


How to melt a man (no acid needed)

by Peachrot



Category: Half-Life, freeman's mind
Genre: Identity Issues, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, barney is barney's mind and called mindney, blood cw, oh dear im probably the first to make a fic for this -_-, yes i call it buttermind i think its cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28279092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachrot/pseuds/Peachrot
Summary: Assholes are assholes. Its apparently easy to melt one in the hot new mexico dessert- especially if you get him to finally shut his mouth.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman, buttermind, freemind/mindney, mindhoun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	How to melt a man (no acid needed)

“Jesus- I never knew I had that much blood in me. Reminds me of popping a balloon.” 

Freemind was looking up at the ceiling, blood flowing down from his forehead and building upon his eyelid, “Heh, god was an idiot making humans. Why fill us with blood when we could be full of something useful! Like, being full of dr.pepper or something. You could bleed out but also take a refreshing sip...not to be blinded.” Mindney bit his lip, slightly cringing in discomfort as he watched the blood ooze down. “That’s fucking gross man, If I was full of doctor pepper I would ask for a blood transfusion. Stat.” 

Freemind began to stumble back on his feet, “mmhm...guess that’s fair, but if you fill yourself with Pepsi I’m putting you out of your misery.” 

Mindney quickly shoved Freemind back down as he slowly got up, Freemind nearly swatting him clear in the face.

“What the hell asshole!!!???” Freemind hissed, instinctively holding his head wound as he fell back down.

“You are not going anywhere till we mend that gash up. You’ll just fuck your head up worse if you go on with it still bleeding everywhere. Plus-” He shifted his shoulders back nervously, “It’s gross.” The injured physicist sighed bitterly, scowling as he tried to get back up again only for Mindney to hold him down, “Barney, c’mon I’m a man I can handle a little scratch- I’ve gone through way worse and came out alive!! I’ll be fine just let me go on! I need to get out of this shithole….”

Mindney took out his pocketknife, one arm still on Freemind’s shoulder. “Whatcha gonna do? Put me out of my misery and sell my organs? You’d probably get a good 10 grand for my liver alone….but my brain is priceless. You’d be able to buy that girlfriend of yours 69 Lamborghinis.” Mindney ignored him and cut into his own shirt sleeve, being careful not to pierce any skin. Freemind watched as he shook the cut sleeve off and folded up his rusty old timer knife. “Now if you try and slap my hand away I will actually sell your brain on craigslist. And I’ll charge 5 dollars only. No bids.”

“5 dollars?? Only 5?? Do you know how much a scientist would pay for such an exquisite sample? I should know I’m a fucking scientist!!” He angrily tried to stumble up, fighting the weight Mindney was furiously pushing down on him. “Aw hell I’m seeing star-” He fell back down, his body sliding against the wall. 

“Stupid ass…..” Mindney mumbled as he pressed the shirt rag to his forehead, Freemind holding back winces in pain. “Christ you can stop that now just let yourself admit you’re in pain and you need help. You don’t have to pretend god with me.” Freemind looked up, disgusted at what he was hearing. “Excuse me? Maybe I am god!! Maybe you’ve just been sent to this earth to keep me from getting out of here!!! That has to be it...that’s right I cracked your secret!! Now you can leave me the hell alone!!” He swatted at Mindney’s hand and crawled along the wall, trying to ignore the nauseous feeling that was swelling up in his gut. Mindney tugged at the metal collar of the cold HEV torso, Freemind giving in and allowing himself to be lifted back to the wall where he started, the blood now dripping off his chin and blending in with the orange of his suit. He scoffed and reluctantly leaned back, looking Mindney sternly in the eye as if to say ‘fine’. Mindey’s peeved off demeanor turned into content as he finally got the torn shirt completely onto the wound, dabbing at it shakily. Freemind found himself melting into it. Each shaky touch of the rag was oddly- calming. The feeling of warmth consumed him, his brain trying to find a word for this overwhelming emotion. That’s right- the feeling of being cared for. It felt different when applied by an outside force instead of himself. Nearly every motion had something behind it, a motion that was easy to hypnotize him into forgetting nearly everything that had happened in the last few hours. Caring for yourself is more like giving a dog a treat for not taking a piss on the couch, this was felt like it was more deserved. He closed his eyes, trying not to let the bloodloss drift him to sleep. If he was going to sleep it was NOT going to be in front of Mindney, nobody should see him vulnerable. He doesn’t sleep half the time anyways- coffee can do the job. 

Mindney reluctantly examined the bloodied rag, cringing at the uncomfortable amount of blood soaked into a tattered sample of his once-favorite shirt (even though all his work shirts were the same). He cringed, even more, when he looked back to Freemind to see the blood was still coming. He quickly took his knife out and without thought, cut off the rest of his sleeve, knicking himself slightly but ignoring it. He hesitantly took off Freemind’s dirty glasses, his hands trembling as he tried not to let his mind go- his mind go….there. He whipped the blood off his face, nervously holding up his chin as he dabbed the eyelid of his asshole friend, who hadn’t actually said a peep since he got him to actually sit down. 

Freemind tried to open his eye, feeling the blood be wiped away, only to be stabbed in the eye by Mindney’s shirt sleeve. “FUCK!!” he hissed, jumping back and hitting his head on the concrete wall, reaching for his eye as Mindney stumbled back. “Oh god, Jesus I uh-” Mindney instinctively grabbed the side of Freemind’s face, moving it to where he could see the rag stabbed eye. Freemind started to tear up and whimper as Mindney realized what he was doing and thew his hand back. What the hell was he doing? What the hell had gotten into him? All those thoughts were just gay thoughts- everyone has them! They never go anywhere…. It is just the consequence of having a good bro to watch shitty movies with. That’s all they’re supposed to be; weird-ass delusions every guy gets occasionally. 

“Don’t look at me like that fuckwad….” Freemind muttered through the palm of his hand, bitterly looking down at the floor. Mindney scowled and crawled closer to Freemind. “Excuse me? I have been helping you this whole time and all I get is ‘fuckwad’? You have no idea how much I’ve been busting my balls trying to get you down on the damn floor but you’re just so stuck up in your own illusion of trying to be the alpha. Well, news flash asshole! You aren’t! You are not god and this world is not your little fucked up Jeff Dunham show. I should know! I’ve been doing the same thing for fucking years, oh but you’ve got it bad. You’ve got it so bad you’d rather bleed out than let me just get blood out of your pretty ass eyes. God- now you’re crying and you think I’ve cracked you. Jesus christ….why did I ever let myself get like this...why am I telling you all this...you weren’t supposed to learn that part of my tragic backstory. You were supposed to learn that my mom was killed by a terminator or something! Not that I’m also a pathetic lonely asshole like you! I actually love myspace!! I just didn’t want to seem like a pussy. I don’t even know why I went down this rabbit hole!! I guess being shoved in lockers 24/7 in high school is enough to force you to become a fucking lie. Is that what happened to you? God knows you’re not going to tell me. I just- I’m sorry I even tried. Now I’ve just spilled all my fuckin beans….Jesus Christ. Please stop crying. Actually, no keep crying...you deserve to give your emotions a rest. God….just kill me now I….I said nothing. I am cool...I am like James Bond. All of that was some sort of spy tactic.” He took a deep breath, trying not to cry as he angrily threw his helmet off, kicking it across the floor and stubbing his toe in the process, “FUCK! GOD DAMNIT!”

Freemind stared at Mindney, not exactly knowing how to process everything. He felt like he should be exposed...or carved open but really it was just...a numb feeling. A feeling that he really had nothing left, just a shell like he was before. One, mindeny was correct about it all. Being such an asshole had just become a crutch after all these years, even though he chose to ignore it. Pretending to be an amazing person is better than just...not, that's a for sure fact. Two, pretty eyes. Hmm….the green of his irises was very colorful, pretty is an odd word for them. He sniffled, wiping the snot from his nose. He didn't really know how to respond. His mind was telling him to respond with something among the lines of "you're an asshole" or "fuck off" but that just didnt seem appropriate for once. He had to say SOMETHING. Mindney plopped down next to him, his hair coated in sweat and sticking up in multiple directions, "Sorry," he mumbled as he fiddled with his fingers. All freemind had to say was 'its okay' or at least a 'don't worry' but that was too less of a statement. 

"uhhh….y-yea. No...yyyyyeeaaahhhh" he mumbled. Mindney leaned his head against the wall, "me too Gordon, me too."

Freemind felt himself warm up at the sound of his first name being used so casually. Its been so long since he's heard it outside of profession. That was one thing about mindney, yes he was his technical friend...but honestly he was more like a mom. He actually cared enough instead of shrugging everything off. He was determined even when freemind was being an absolute dick to him. He doesn't have friends...so then what is mindney? A housemaid? 

"I guess we're just going to ignore that-" Mindney sighed, moving in front of freemind and resuming tending to the deep head wound. 

"mmm no. no we're not barney. No we're not. I don't apple cate you enough." He opened his mouth to continue until mindney interrupted him. "apple cate??? you mean appreciate???"   
"SHUT UP YES APPRECIATE I WAS TRYING TO COMPLEMENT YOU OR SOMETHING!"  
Mindney howled, holding his stomach and trying not to cry, "you really don't know HOW a compliment works! Honestly! I don't either! We both don't know! God, we don't have any idea." 

Freemind shifted his gaze, "hnng….yeah. I don't like this. You being so nice to me, it doesn't make sense. I mean I've tried so hard to swat you away but you always come buzzing back and being nice again. You're wasting your time." Mindney stopped for a second, his hand notably shaking and lip quivering, "Maybe because s-someone has to do it! We know each other well enough ya know, it makes sense. Perfect sense." He slowly continued wiping the last of the wound, resisting the urge to hold Freemind's face once again.  
All of what he was saying was killing mindney. He's actually showing some compassion for once and it's directed at HIM. It was as if he was getting so close. Just had to say- no. No, not going through with that, it's just a horrible daydream. Dudes are just dudes, nothing more than just bros. Though sometimes the bros could be charming, funny, pretty, have a laugh you could drown in….nice hair. JESUS CHRIST okay, okay can't throw these thoughts away. How long had it been since these thoughts surfaced….2 years? They're not going to go away anytime soon. 

"I just- ugh…" Freemind scoffed, "I guess nobody has been so- nice? Which I guess makes sense since I'M not nice to them in the first place. Just, I've been stuck in trying to be cool like you've said. I hate that too;how you could read me like that, that's a fuckin first. If you know exactly why I act like this then why do you care about me?" 

"I already told you- we know each other. The moment I met you I could tell you were lying to yourself, probably got depression. I know real assholes, and I gotta say you're pretty convincing," 

"Well that's a relief?? Glad I'm convincing. Now I still don't believe you. I still don't believe that's why you stick around. I know you're probably planning to kill me or something, I know I would if I were in your position!" 

Mindney looked at him sternly, "now don't you say that! If I was in your position and you were in mine I'd stop you. I wouldn't kill you unless I was offered 10 grand. Now it's your turn to take the fucking complement." 

Freemind folded his arms in frustration, "no! you take the compliment! I think you're really good at shooting people in the face!!" 

"Why thank you! I'm pretty good at that! I think you have nice hair!!" 

"Well I think you look good with that one button undone it makes you look badass you fucking jackass!!" 

"WELL FUCK IT FUCK EVERYTHING" 

"FUCK WHAT?"

Mindney dropped the rag and grabbed Freemind's face, pulling him in and holding on tightly to the kiss. Freemind immediately clawed him off, sliding down the wall and trying to hide in the torso of the HEV. 

"I-I'm sorry I-" mindney strutted.

"no." Freemind looked away, flushed. "Do it again please"

"Aga-again!!? You-"

Impatient, Freemind brought Mindney's face to his, mindney nearly melting. He held on, moving his hands from his face to his sweaty helmet hair. His hair was so soft even after being under a helmet for the past 11 hours, his lips scabbed but oddly soft. Both of them weren't sure when they wanted to let go, or if they ever really did in general. Freemind could feel Mindney nervously shaking as his face warmed up. Freemind soon reluctantly let go, still holding on to Mindney's head. 

"I-I guess it's too late to say I love you….I-I think " Mindney muttered, sweating. 

"No, it's not too late, actually please say it again." 

"mmm, you just want to feed your ego. Fine. I love you"

"Can you actually tell me why, like legit tell me why." Freemind asked.

"Oh uh- I think you're h-handsome, smart, got a good laugh, nice to drink with, n-nice ass and uh…." He forced a smile, "I want you to know your true self, that's what I love for real. God kill me that was so fucking mushy." 

Freemind looked at him, clearly forcing back tears. He went in for another kiss, pulling Mindney so far back he accidentally bumped his head on the walk again. This time was way more passionate and oddly tender. 

"mrph… your turn Gordon- say it"

Freemind pulled away reluctantly, "I love you. There. And I mean it. I've been trying to not admit it but you just had to care. Andddd now I'm gay. At least half gay. This is all your fault." 

"No! this is YOUR fault! You're the one that made me gay! You've probably made out with way more chicks than me."

"checkmate, I've never kissed a woman or man till now!" 

"Of course you lied about having multiple babes!! I did too! I lied about having a girlfriend and just taped a jpeg to my locker"

Freemind laughed, putting his bloodied glasses back on finally. "madmen, we are absolute fucking madmen. Hey- uh….has the wound stopped?" 

Mindney moved his hair back to examine the gash, "I mean, enough…"

"God this sounds so pathetic...could you just...sit here and pat it again? Maybe just...talk or something I don't know just anything."

Mindney blushed, turning over the rag, "Ye-yeah that'd be….nice. Yea."


End file.
